Church Exiters

The Research Questionnaire is available to download.
YOU can ‘add your voice’ to this issue by completing a survey.

                    1. Carefully read through the criteria in the second document:
                    ‘Initial Screening Letter and Criteria for Participants’.
                    2. If you have considered the criteria and feel that you fit and that
                    you will not be harmed by answering the questions, please proceed.
                    3. If you feel that this exercise would be therapeutic as well as
                    help to bring you closure, please proceed.

                   Your completed questionnaire will be added to my ongoing file.
                   Your comments will be kept confidential.
                   Thank You for being willing to share your story!

        2. Initial Screening Letter and Criteria for Participants

        3. Pastor’s Introductory Letter and Questionnaire

7. How to Assess One’s Church by Considering The Seven Symptoms of
Abusive Religion according to Jesus in Mt. 23.

I could use your help with my research. It is part of the requirements for a dissertation towards a Doctor of Ministry degree. I would like you to fill out my questionnaire. The following is the criteria that I am looking for in participants.

             1. Christians who have experienced emotional and spiritual distress under authoritarian and controlling church leaders and who have ceased to be associated with those congregations;
             2. Christians who subsequently have recognized and processed their spiritual grief and pain and have experienced spiritual recovery;
             3. Christians who are willing to share how they have processed their negative experience and have recovered spiritual harmony; those who can share what has happened since this painful episode.

The focus of my research is the question: What factors have helped Christians, who meet these criteria, to restore confidence in God and His people?

There are 20 questions. I would encourage you to take breaks when filling out the questionnaire, rather than attempting to complete it all in one sitting. Participation is voluntary. Any question that you feel uncomfortable responding to, can be omitted.

The information given by those participating will be kept confidential. Your responses will be put in anonymous form and may be kept for further use after the completion of this study.

Thank you for your interest and participation in this research. I appreciate the time and effort that it takes to further consider these issues in your own life. There is some risk associated with participating in this study; specifically, these issues and the questionnaire may stir up unpleasant memories of some aspects of church life. If you feel overwhelmed, take a break or talk to someone. If you experience distress, please contact your spiritual advisor or a professional counselor. In terms of potential benefits, I pray that your reflection on this topic will give you further insights into your own personal journey with Christ as well as to confirm that this issue is, in fact, a problem in the church today and that it needs to be addressed. Thank you for your courage and prayerful input.

Hi,
I am glad to hear from you and that you are interested in filling out a survey.
Here is a bit more information about the study. Please read through and consider the following information and see if these thoughts describe your experience.

1. Various conditions generate within Christians an experience of disillusionment with their church and cause them to leave that church:

            A disappointment and distrust of church leadership
            Overbearing methods of church leadership
                  A disappointment with some theology and practices--which do not seem to be
            biblically-based
                  A situation that has caused the church leadership to ask you to leave
            A desire not to attend any church
            A distrust of the church as a system
      .
2. This study is focused upon Christians who have experienced abusive ministry leadership, have gone through spiritual decline as a result, but who now exhibit godly maturity and enjoy regular and faithful church involvement, including a role in voluntary ministry leadership.

These believers have now been reintegrated into a local church after a season of grief and disillusionment with the church. Some of these believers may now have a healthy church context which does not meet in a church building, but meets in a home, a coffee shop, or another suitable gathering place. Others may have left the institutional church entirely but meet and fellowship regularly with other believers as part of a spiritual habit of their present faith journey. Basically, for each of these Christians, spiritual integrity and harmony have been reestablished in their lives.

3. Christians who experience such abusive leadership usually find themselves struggling with spiritual imbalance and dissonance as well as emotional inequilibrium. Yet many, over time, make positive steps forward and eventually progress toward a sense of healthful spiritual renewal and harmony. Through this study I hope to identify key elements that have assisted such believers to regain their spiritual equilibrium.

            Towards that end, these questions arise:
            a) How have believers worked through their pain and disillusionment with their previous local church and its leadership?
            b) What have been the factors that have sustained and encouraged spiritual growth in their spiritual walk with Christ through a difficult season?
            c) How have those who have been bruised through their previous church exposure and have entered a season of cynicism and distrust with Christian leadership worked through these spiritual setbacks and have eventually come to a place of spiritual harmony?

Because participating in this study may bring back memories and feelings for people who are still in the midst of experiencing spiritual abuse, my interest is in people who have actually worked though their experience and are now at a place of spiritual harmony, my questions to you would be:

            a) Have you processed your pain and disillusionment towards a point of reasonable spiritual harmony?
            b) Have you moved beyond your pain to a point which you can reflect back on the 'process'—knowing that Christ has enabled you by His Spirit to find restoration?
Even though you may feel that you may not be fully there, what spiritual practices, helps, or insights have led you to a place of healing and reflection?
            c) Do you feel comfortable sharing these insights? Are you sure that such reflection will not create harmful emotional distress in you?

            Here is a further way to think about this. In order to help you determine whether completing this survey may be beneficial to you and not harmful, I would like you to reflect on this question:

                Would your present spiritual guide or a mature Christian friend who knows you             well, encourage you to participate in this study as a beneficial spiritual activity or             would they discourage you, believing that it would stir up negative memories and             hurtful, unresolved issues?

             If your advisor would encourage you to proceed, then please participate. If you feel that your advisor’s answer would be “No” and that participating in this survey would bring you greater harm than benefit, please refrain from participating in this survey at this time.
            Thank you for your honest and thoughtful consideration of this question.
            When I hear back from you and that you have reflected on the potential benefit or harm and that your Christian experience matches the criteria for participants required for this study, I will send you the questionnaire and consent form. If at that time you continue to be interested and feel that you match the focus of this study, please participate. Please do not feel obligated to participate if you do not want to, given the sensitive nature of this topic.

            Comments and questions are welcome.
            Thanks again for your response.
            Looking forward to hearing back from you.
            Please use this email address when responding: info@churchexiters.com

Greetings,
I am student enrolled in the ACTS Doctor of Ministry program. In order to conduct the research necessary to complete my dissertation, I need the assistance of pastoral leaders. I could use your help with my research. I realize that you probably receive frequent requests to fill out questionnaires, but I would invite you to take a few minutes, complete the attached questionnaire, and return it to me.
This would be a significant help.

I am looking for pastors who have endeavored to provide spiritual guidance and help for the following subjects: Christians who have experienced emotional and spiritual distress under authoritarian and controlling church leaders and who have ceased to be associated with those congregations.

There are many Christians who have faced the untimely distress of this particular yet widespread phenomenon. Many have simply left the church, while others have made an effort to reintegrate into a local church setting. It has taken courage for them to desire to reconnect with a pastor and seek their assistance in processing their grief and disillusionment with previous church leaders.

            I would appreciate hearing how you, as a pastor, have provided spiritual guidance and encouragement for individuals who have faced this type of emotional and spiritual pain at the hands of those that they had trusted as their spiritual leaders. I believe that your insights would provide pertinent and helpful data for this study.

            The information you give will be kept confidential. It will be used only for my purposes of gathering and assessing information in order to compare it with the literature which I have been reading on related topics. Any use of your responses in my dissertation will be put in anonymous form, but may be kept for further use after the completion of this study.

Thank you for your interest and participation in this research. I appreciate the time and effort that it takes to complete this questionnaire. There is some risk associated with participating in this study; specifically, these issues and the questionnaire may stir up unpleasant memories of some aspects of church life.
In terms of potential benefits, I pray that your reflection on this topic will give you further insights into your own personal journey with Christ as well as to confirm that this issue is, in fact, a problem in the church today and that it needs to be addressed.
In His Service, Barb Orlowski

Age:                                                Gender:                                                Date:
City:                                                Province/State:                                    Country:

Instructions: Use this form by typing your answer under each question.
                        Please leave blank line breaks between questions and answers.
                        Return your answers to my email address: churchexitersq@telus.net

1. In your pastoral experience have you met/counseled with people who have experienced emotional and spiritual distress under authoritarian and controlling church leaders and now have ceased to be associated with those congregations?
Please describe.

2. In your pastoral experience have you met/counseled with people who have experienced emotional and spiritual distress by being exposed to aberrant teachings? Please describe.

5. How did this type of encounter impact your teaching and energize your efforts to warn the flock under your care to better understand such issues?

7. Among the various strategies you suggested to the person, which were most helpful to enable the person to recover spiritual balance and health?

THANK YOU so much for participating in this survey! Your input will add to the data regarding this topic and the information will help in understanding the issues.
Please RETURN your survey to Barb at: info@churchexiters.com
If you have any questions, please contact me at the same email address.

Title of Dissertation: Ministering Restoration: Recovering Spiritual Harmony

Principal Investigator: Barb Orlowski, ACTS Seminaries
My Advisor is: Dr. Larry Perkins, ACTS Seminaries

Purpose: The purpose of this project is to provide church ministry leaders, and the church, with an understanding of a potentially useful process and resource which might aid them in ministering more effectively, in the area of spiritual guidance, to Christians who have found themselves disillusioned by past damaging church experiences.

Procedures: Completing a questionnaire sent via email which may take about 1-3 hrs.
I may contact you by email if I have any questions or need further clarity on an item.

Potential Risks and Discomforts: Minimal expected risks or discomforts. (There is minimum potential that reflection on life experiences, in order to respond to the questionnaire, may stir emotions and cause emotional distress.)

Potential Benefits to Participants and/or to the Church: Reflection on one’s own journey.
It is an opportunity for being a voice which is heard regarding this particular church ministry dilemma. It is an opportunity for further spiritual growth and reflection.

Confidentiality: Any information that is obtained in connection with this study and that can be identified with you will remain confidential. I will code the questionnaires and then the code will be destroyed at the completion of the project. I will not reveal identifying information in any of my written reports. This data will be stored on my personal computer. There is a possibility that the data may be used in the future for an article or a book. In that case, data will be disclosed only with your permission.

Contact for information about the study: If you have any questions or desire further information with respect to this study, you may contact Barb Orlowski.

Contact for concerns about the rights of research subjects: If you have any concerns about your treatment or rights as a research subject, you may contact Ms. Sue Funk in the Office of Research at Trinity Western University.

Consent: Your participation in this study is entirely voluntary and you may refuse to participate or withdraw from the study at any time.

Your sending of the questionnaire back to me will be taken as an indication that you consent to participate and to have your information put into anonymous form for further use after completion of this study.

B.C. and Canadian
If you become distressed or are in need of counselling services at any time, below is a list of different counselling agencies in the Lower Mainland.

Abbotsford: Columbia Counseling Group. 604-852-2557.
Langley: Fraser River Counselling.   604-513-2113.
Surrey Community Services Society.   604-584-5811.
New Westminster Counselling Centre. 604-525-6651.
Burnaby Counselling Group. 604-430-1303.

            Please note that this is by no means an exhaustive list, and you are definitely welcomed to search for your own counsellor instead, if you prefer. Good places to begin such a search are:
B.C. Association of Clinical Counselors:
     http://www.bc-counsellors.org/memgate.htm
B.C. Association for Marriage and Family Therapy:
     http://www.bcamft.bc.ca/consumer-info/choose-therapist.htm
Canadian Counselling Association:

If you become distressed or are in need of counselling services at any time, please check the list below of counselling agencies in your country.

American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy
(They have a ‘Search for a Therapist’ in the U.S., Canada, or Overseas.)

Could you post this information on your site? It is a request for participants in a doctoral study. Thanks so much for your help! Barb
________________________________________________________________________

            The following are two “request for help” letters. I have prepared two questionnaires. One survey is for those who have experienced this situation in their church life and the other is for pastors who have been able to provide comfort and spiritual guidance to those who have come to them for help. If the following criteria describe you, I would welcome your participation in this study.

            Thanks so much, Barb Orlowski
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My name is Barb Orlowski. I am onthe Doctor of Ministry program at A.C.T.S. Seminaries in Langley, B.C., Canada. In order to conduct the research necessary to complete my dissertation, I could use your help. I am conducting a survey among Christians who have experienced emotional and spiritual distress under authoritarian and controlling church leaders and have recovered from this experience.

If people feel that they fit the criteria for this study, please contact me.
I will give you further details about this study, and then I will send you the questionnaire along with the consent information. The responses given by those participating will be kept confidential. Your responses will be put in anonymous form and may be kept for further use after the completion of this study.

Thank you for your interest and participation in this study. I appreciate the time and effort that it takes to complete a questionnaire.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I am student enrolled in the A.C.T.S. Doctor of Ministry program in Langley, B.C., Canada. In order to conduct the research necessary to complete my dissertation, I need the assistance of pastoral leaders. I could use your help with my research. I realize that you probably receive frequent requests to fill out surveys, but I would invite you to take a few minutes, complete a questionnaire and return it to me. This would be a significant help.

I am looking for pastors who have endeavored to provide spiritual guidance and help for the following people:

Christians who have experienced emotional and spiritual distress under authoritarian and controlling church leaders and who have ceased to be associated with those congregations.

I would appreciate hearing how you, as a pastor, have provided spiritual guidance and encouragement for individuals who have faced this type of emotional and spiritual pain at the hands of those that they had trusted as their spiritual leaders. I believe that your insights would provide pertinent and helpful data for this study.
The information you give will be kept confidential. Any use of your responses in my dissertation will be put in anonymous form, but may be kept for further use after the completion of this study. If ever needed, I will ask for your permission to quote you.

Thank you for your interest and participation in this research. I appreciate the time and effort that it takes to complete a questionnaire.

7. How to Assess One’s Church by Considering The Seven Symptoms of Abusive Religion According to Jesus in Matthew 23.

1. Abusive leaders base their spiritual authority on their position or office rather than on their service to the group. Their style of leadership is authoritarian.

2. Leaders in abusive churches often say one thing but do another. Their words and deeds do not match.

3. They manipulate people by making them feel guilty for not measuring up spiritually. They lay heavy religious loads on people and make no effort to lift those loads.

4. Abusive leaders are preoccupied with looking good. They stifle any criticism that puts them in a bad light.

5. They seek honorific titles and special privileges that elevate them above the group. They promote a class system with themselves at the top.

6. Their communication is not straight. Their speech becomes especially vague and confusing when they are defending themselves.

7. They major on minor issues to the neglect of the truly important ones. They are conscientious about religious details but neglect God’s larger agendas.

8. Individualized--expressing faith as an individual, not merely as a conformist to a system.

9. Relationship oriented--the more one loves God the more one will love/care for others.

            10. Personal--experience generated internally through trust in God.

            11. Balanced--all of life, not just faith.

            12. Nondefensive--healthy faith welcomes critical evaluation and tough questions as opportunities to learn and relate. Those who question their faith are not considered disobedient but rather are encouraged to explore their doubts.

            13. Nonjudgmental.

            14. Reality based not a servant-God view to make life easy.

            15. Able to embrace one’s emotions.

            16. Able to embrace one’s humanity,

            17. Loving.

1. Trusts in God’s saving grace and believes firmly in the humanity and divinity of Jesus.

3. Integrates faith and life, seeing work, family, social relationships, and political choices as part of one’s religious life.

4. Seeks spiritual growth through study, reflection, prayer, and discussion with others.

5. Seeks to be part of a community of believers in which people give witness to their faith and support and nourish one another.

6. Hold life-affirming values, including commitment to racial and gender equality, affirmation of cultural and religious diversity, and a personal sense of responsibility for the welfare of others

8. Serves humanity consistently and passionately through acts of love and justice.

Many themes and issues have emerged from these [Enroth’s}stories of people recovering from churches that abuse. These are often more implicit than explicit. Thinking through these issues in the following terms may be helpful to victims of abuse and those who seek to counsel them.

            • Emotional needs
            • The attraction of authority
            • False expectations
            • The deception of positive impressions and ready acceptance
            • Vulnerability through inexperience with a healthy Christian faith and
               community
            • Dependency needs

            • A system that fosters dependence
            • Members not encouraged to think for themselves
            • The community emphasized rather than the individual
            • Emphasis on uniformity and conformity
            • Social skills undeveloped
            • "Set up" to fail: self-fulfilling prophecy
            • Feelings of being "orphaned" and rejected
            • Culture shock
            • Nowhere to turn for faith, because other churches discredited
            • Ill-equipped for relationships
            • Isolation from society
            • Estrangement from family
            • Loss of focus and purpose in life
            • Feelings of shame and guilt
            • "Victimization" syndrome
            • Lack of trust in authority and/or intimacy
            • Insufficient resources (financial, emotional, relational)
            • Feelings of anger and bitterness impeding forgiveness
            • Network of friends within the membership

            • Feelings about oneself: self-esteem
            • Economic instability
            • Caution about entering another Christian community or church
            • Dependency
            • Need for re-socialization
            • Marital and family conditions
            • Need for professional counseling
            • Being viewed with distrust or skepticism by other Christians
            • Lack of self-discipline
            • Spiritual paralysis

            • Rejection
            • Low self-esteem
            • Shame and guilt
            • Futility
            • Isolation
            • Inadequacy
            • Grief
            • Regret for lost years
            • Loss of identity
            • Fear and confusion

Ken Blue, Healing Spiritual Abuse (Downers Grove: InterVarsity Press,1993), 134-135.
To aid in assessing one’s church Blue notes the symptoms of abusive religion according to Jesus in Mt. 23. He states: “If your church rates high on these negative indicators, it is significantly spiritually abusive”:

Stephen Arterburn and Jack Felton, Toxic Faith (Colorado Springs: Waterbrook Press, 1991), 247-262. Seventeen Characteristics of Healthy Faith:

From Peter L. Benson and Carolyn H. Eklin, Effective Christian Education: A National Study of Protestant Congregations (Minneapolis: a research project of Search Institute, March 1990). The Nature of Mature Faith--eight core dimensions that indicate the maturity of one’s faith.

Ronald M. Enroth, Recovering from Churches That Abuse (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1994), Appendix, 72-73.