Contents
- Section 1 Website Links
- Section 2 Articles by Others
- How to Assess One's Church by Considering: The Seven Symptoms of Abusive Religion according to Jesus.
- Seventeen Characteristics of Healthy Faith
- The Nature of Mature Faith--Eight Core Dimensions
- Issues in Recovery
- Spiritual Abuse: 10 Ways to Spot it
- Section 3 Counseling Information
- www.SpiritualAbuseRecovery.com
- Ronald Enroth Online Books: www.ApologeticsIndex.org
- Alan Jamieson and Paul Fromont
- Online Books and Articles:
- Prodigal Kiwis: http://prodigal.typepad.com
- Jeff VanVonderen
- Dale and Juanita Ryan
- The National Association for Christian Recovery
- Emerging Grace--now Kingdom Grace
- Articles: Spiritual Abuse Part 1 - 7
- http://emerginggrace.blogspot.com
- http://kingdomgrace.wordpress.com
- Battered Sheep
- What Really Matters
- Futurist Guy - Brad Sargent
- Pure Provender
- Setting the Captives Free - Aida Carter
- VM Life Resources - Doug and Wendy Duncan
- The Wartburg Watch
- International Cultic Studies Association - Dr. Michael Langone
- Rick Ross Institute - Study of Cults, Controversial Groups, and Movements
- Christians for Biblical Equality
- Spiritual Abuse Awareness - Lisa
- Stop Spiritual Abuse Group - Facebook
- Healing Spiritual Abuse - Brandon
- Baptist Deception - Steve
- Spiritual Abuse: 10 Ways To Spot It - www.MaryDemuth.com
Spiritual Abuse Recovery is designed to be a Network of like-minded sites, individuals, and organizations who will come together to form an interconnected ring of resources. It was initiated by Brandon Santan and Dr. Barb Orlowski to be a cohort of like-minded individuals trying to make a difference. It is an opportunity for others to join this webring to help spread the word about this topic.
A SIGNIFICANT NUMBER OF CHRISTIANS HAD NOT INITIALLY CONSIDERED THAT THEIR EXPERIENCE WAS SPIRITUAL ABUSE, BUT AFTER MAKING A CONCERTED EFFORT TO UNDERSTAND THEIR SITUATION, THEY SOON CAME TO THE REALIZATION THAT THE DEFINITIONS AND EXAMPLES GIVEN IN BOOKS AND ON WEBSITES QUITE ACCURATELY DESCRIBED THEIR EXPERIENCE.
- How to Assess One’s Church by Considering The Seven Symptoms of Abusive Religion According to Jesus in Matthew 23.
- Abusive leaders base their spiritual authority on their position or office rather than on their service to the group. Their style of leadership is authoritarian.
- Leaders in abusive churches often say one thing but do another. Their words and deeds do not match.
- They manipulate people by making them feel guilty for not measuring up spiritually. They lay heavy religious loads on people and make no effort to lift those loads.
- Abusive leaders are preoccupied with looking good. They stifle any criticism that puts them in a bad light.
- They seek honorific titles and special privileges that elevate them above the group. They promote a class system with themselves at the top.
- Their communication is not straight. Their speech becomes especially vague and confusing when they are defending themselves.
- They major on minor issues to the neglect of the truly important ones. They are conscientious about religious details but neglect God’s larger agendas.
Ken Blue, Healing Spiritual Abuse (Downers Grove: InterVarsity Press,1993), 134-135.
To aid in assessing one’s church Blue notes the symptoms of abusive religion according to Jesus in Mt. 23. He states: “If your church rates high on these negative indicators, it is significantly spiritually abusive” - Seventeen Characteristics of Healthy Faith
- Focused on God.
- Growing faith.
- Respectful of others.
- Freedom to serve.
- Self-worthy.
- Vulnerable--free to be real.
- Trusting--in God, in others, in oneself.
- Individualized--expressing faith as an individual, not merely as a conformist to a system.
- Relationship oriented--the more one loves God the more one will love/care for others.
- Personal--experience generated internally through trust in God.
- Balanced--all of life, not just faith.
- Nondefensive--healthy faith welcomes critical evaluation and tough questions as opportunities to learn and relate. Those who question their faith are not considered disobedient but rather are encouraged to explore their doubts.
- Nonjudgmental.
- Reality based not a servant-God view to make life easy.
- Able to embrace one’s emotions.
- Able to embrace one’s humanity,
- Loving.
Stephen Arterburn and Jack Felton, Toxic Faith (Colorado Springs: Waterbrook Press, 1991), 247-262. Seventeen Characteristics of Healthy Faith - The Nature of Mature Faith--Eight Core Dimensions
A mature believer:
- Trusts in God’s saving grace and believes firmly in the humanity and divinity of Jesus.
- Experiences a sense of personal well-being, security, and peace.
- Integrates faith and life, seeing work, family, social relationships, and political choices as part of one’s religious life.
- Seeks spiritual growth through study, reflection, prayer, and discussion with others.
- Seeks to be part of a community of believers in which people give witness to their faith and support and nourish one another.
- Hold life-affirming values, including commitment to racial and gender equality, affirmation of cultural and religious diversity, and a personal sense of responsibility for the welfare of others
- Advocates social and global change to bring about greater social justice.
- Serves humanity consistently and passionately through acts of love and justice.
From Peter L. Benson and Carolyn H. Eklin, Effective Christian Education: A National Study of Protestant Congregations (Minneapolis: a research project of Search Institute, March 1990). The Nature of Mature Faith--eight core dimensions that indicate the maturity of one’s faith. - Issues in Recovery
Many themes and issues have emerged from these [Enroth’s] stories of people recovering from churches that abuse. These are often more implicit than explicit. Thinking through these issues in the following terms may be helpful to victims of abuse and those who seek to counsel them.
WHY PEOPLE ARE DRAWN INTO ABUSIVE GROUPS
- Emotional needs
- The attraction of authority
- False expectations
- The deception of positive impressions and ready acceptance
- Vulnerability through inexperience with a healthy Christian faith and community
- Dependency needs
FACTORS THAT MAKE IT DIFFICULT TO LEAVE AND RECOVER
- A system that fosters dependence
- Members not encouraged to think for themselves
- The community emphasized rather than the individual
- Emphasis on uniformity and conformity
- Social skills undeveloped
- "Set up" to fail: self-fulfilling prophecy
- Feelings of being "orphaned" and rejected
- Culture shock
- Nowhere to turn for faith, because other churches discredited
- Ill-equipped for relationships
- Isolation from society
- Estrangement from family
- Loss of focus and purpose in life
- Feelings of shame and guilt
- "Victimization" syndrome
- Lack of trust in authority and/or intimacy
- Insufficient resources (financial, emotional, relational)
- Feelings of anger and bitterness impeding forgiveness
- Network of friends within the membership
FACTORS THAT MAY RETARD OR INTERFERE WITH RECOVERY
- Feelings about oneself: self-esteem
- Economic instability
- Caution about entering another Christian community or church
- Dependency
- Need for re-socialization
- Marital and family conditions
- Need for professional counseling
- Being viewed with distrust or skepticism by other Christians
- Lack of self-discipline
- Spiritual paralysis
SOME FEELINGS TO CONTEND WITH
- Rejection
- Low self-esteem
- Shame and guilt
- Futility
- Isolation
- Inadequacy
- Grief
- Regret for lost years
- Loss of identity
- Fear and confusion
Ronald M. Enroth, Recovering from Churches That Abuse (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1994), Appendix, 72-73. - Spiritual Abuse: 10 Ways to Spot it
- Have a distorted view of respect. They forget the simple adage that respect is earned, not granted. Abusive leaders demand respect without having earned it by good, honest living.
- Demand allegiance as proof of the follower’s allegiance to Christ. It’s either his/her way or no way. And if a follower deviates, he is guilty of deviating from Jesus.
- Use exclusive language. “We’re the only ministry really following Jesus.” “We have all the right theology.” Believe their way of doing things, thinking theologically, or handling ministry and church is the only correct way. Everyone else is wrong, misguided, or stupidly naive.
- Create a culture of fear and shame. Often there is no grace for someone who fails to live up to the church’s or ministry’s expectation. And if someone steps outside of the often-unspoken rules, leaders shame them into compliance. Can’t admit failure but often searches out failure in others and uses that knowledge to hold others in fear and captivity. They often quote scriptures about not touching God’s anointed, or bringing accusations against an elder. Yet they often confront sin in others, particularly ones who bring up legitimate biblical issues. Or they have their circle of influence take on this task, silencing critics.
- Often have a charismatic leader at the helm who starts off well, but slips into arrogance, protectionism and pride. Where a leader might start off being personable and interested in others’ issues, he/she eventually withdraws to a small group of “yes people” and isolates from the needs of others. Harbors a cult of personality, meaning if the central figure of the ministry or church left, the entity would collapse, as it was entirely dependent on one person to hold the place together.
- Cultivate a dependence on one leader or leaders for spiritual information. Personal discipleship isn’t encouraged. Often the Bible gets pushed away to the fringes unless the main leader is teaching it.
- Demand servanthood of their followers, but live prestigious, privileged lives. They live aloof from their followers and justify their extravagance as God’s favor and approval on their ministry. Unlike Jesus’ instructions to take the last seat, they often take the first seat at events and court others to grant them privileges.
- Buffer him/herself from criticism by placing people around themselves whose only allegiance is to the leader. Views those who bring up issues as enemies. Those who were once friends/allies swiftly become enemies once a concern is raised. Sometimes these folks are banished, told to be silent, or shamed into submission.
- Hold to outward performance but rejects authentic spirituality. Places burdens on followers to act a certain way, dress an acceptable way, and have an acceptable lifestyle.
- Use exclusivity for allegiance. Followers close to the leader or leaders feel like insiders. Everyone else is on the outside, though they long to be in that inner circle.
- Counseling Resources: B.C. and Canadian
- Abbotsford: Columbia Counseling Group. 604-852-2557.
- Langley: Fraser River Counselling. 604-513-2113.
- Surrey Community Services Society. 604-584-5811.
- New Westminster Counselling Centre. 604-525-6651.
- Burnaby Counselling Group. 604-430-1303.
- B.C. Association of Clinical Counselors
- B.C. Association for Marriage and Family Therapy
- Canadian Counselling Association
- Counselling Resources: American and International
- American Counselling Association
- American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy
(They have a ‘Search for a Therapist’ in the U.S., Canada, or Overseas.) - British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy
- New Zealand Association of Counsellors
- Australian Guidance and Counselling Association
If you become distressed or are in need of counselling services at any time, below is a list of different counselling agencies in the Lower Mainland.
Please note that this is by no means an exhaustive list, and you are definitely welcomed to search for your own counsellor instead, if you prefer. Good places to begin such a search are:
If you become distressed or are in need of counselling services at any time, please check the list below of counselling agencies in your country.